Things I have learned from reading a 12 book rockstar romance collection

Rockstar Romance Boxed Set - Emme Rollins, Arabella Quinn, Clara Bayard, Ava Lore, Adriana Hunter, Dawn Steele, D.H. Cameron, Virginia Wade, Ashlee Alexander, Karolyn James, Aubrey Rose, Terry Towers, Clare  Cole

1. Rock stars are often named Gage.

2. Any woman who does in fact eat more than once a week, is apparently a BBW. The other ones are groupies or coke whores.Or both. Unless this is one of the skinny girl books, then she's busy eating burgers every ten minutes, and pining after boobs. Either way, all these women seem to have a serious self-hate going on, probably why they drop their pants every two minutes to anyone who asks.

3. You can kick a serious drug habit in a month and get sober, forever, and write an entire album worth of songs, and also fit in a video, some live shows and getting laid eleventy seven times, just as long as you have the love of a good woman.

4. Some of these books are a little vague on the concept of "Romance". Because, even in an erotic romance this is not romantic, at all:

Hey, I just met you

And this is crazy

But here's my number

Now assume the position and get naked. And of course once you have ridden my wondersteed hunka hunka man meat, you will now be utterly in love with me, utterly submissive and acquiesce to my every whim, no matter how nuts

Other than getting me beers, because see item #3, and you refusing to get me a beer just one time, will fix my alcohol issues. yay.

Oh right, nvm plot, we were having sex.

Oh and now that we've known each other 3 hours, we're all mutually in love forever after right?

5. Apparently there are some women out there who refer to their breasts as their succulent globes randomly in passing. Just you know "I liked the look of my succulent globes in that t-shirt". Several of them are dating rock stars.

6. I am REALLY not the audience for these books. I actually thought they'd be funner than the billionaire ones, but they're even worse.


Inside the spoiler tags: Some of the worst sex writing I have ever EVER seen. ay dios mio. Do not open unless you have copious amounts of brain bleach handy.


Euphemism overload:

His fingers kneaded my succulent globes as he began eating my pink rosette with as much gusto as he did my bare mound. I inhaled sharply as his tongue swept through my dark alley and zeroed in on my back door.

I actually have no idea what's going on there, anatomically. I'm not even sure what building they're in anymore.


Horrific metaphor:

The silky feel of his hot, thick piece of man flesh within my collapsible pouch is a restlessly churning cocoon of ecstasy.

Seriously, is this supposed to be hot?

A creamy sludge began to seep into my panties, soaking the material instantly

This last one happens when she just looks at the poor dude who's gonna have to hit that later. Good grief.

(show spoiler)